An important concept learned from the 'ship' dream is that when team members have a need to communicate/understand/resolve/re-connect they do it by interacting together.

Not by distancing themselves and dividing. They come TOGETHER and work together to work it out.

Doing it through intuitive dance they express to each, with each other, how they feel and experience the other's feelings and perspective.

They become one together. Together they find a solution.

Coming together is the goal. And coming together is the process by which they reach this goal.

Without a team the ship doesn't move forward. We each need a ship and we each need to move forward.

Together.

Had an intriguing dream just a few hours ago ( after having just woken up this morning ).

I dreamed I was on a huge ship and there was a crisis. The verhy large team on the ship pulled together as One to meet the crisis and succeeded.

THere was a dance troup that ran the ship, these were very highly skilled at expression and movement and especially working together as a team in solving personal and interpersonal problems.

There were systems in place for dealing with everything and when followed allowed the members to function effectively together and meet their needs.

The ship was run by a very highly trained captain who was showing me how navigation worked. This captain, and the team were very highly skilled at navigating and meeting challenges.

The ship was more than a ship, it was about Life and humanity.

THe current situation was one where an 'old' ship was being resurrected/found. This 'old' ship was ancient and was a system placed into being by navigators/leaders of humanity.

It involved abrabam lincoln and leader such as he. This ship showed possibilites for the future where certain leaders would or could lead humanity.

I've been looking into enneagrams as a tool for understanding self

I found this quote from a site talking about Enneagrams, type 4 ( The Romantic/Individualist ):

'I have had a constant longing for whatever I cannot have. My longings can never become fulfilled because I now realize that I am attached to ‘the longing’ and not to any specific end result.”

I've been doing this, being attached to the longing for what I have felt without. Instead of focussing on being what I desire.

This is what NOSTALGIA is all about, what you're looking for seems out of reach. But it is here, NOW. If you know how to find it.

ENJOY it NOW!

Submitted by Paul on Thu, 03/05/2009 - 07:18

Most Import in life ( at least my life ) is a need to connect deeply with myself. To be there for myself and place this connection, as well as my connection with nature and the infinite on clear, solid ground each and every day.

Next comes my connection with others, with my romantic relationship ( Deanna ) and friends and family.

But I've put 'myself' first above these. I've been putting my own perceived survival ( good word ) needs above all of these.

You see, I've been identifying with my music and success. I've incorrectly been perceiving that being a great singer or recording great music that is loved will mean that I can feel loved and love.

This is just plain wrong.

I want to feel love and to love and I've been using this as a poor substitute.

This takes me to what I was afraid of yesterday...

It seems easier to focus on a substitute for what we really want and need but this always takes us down a road that leads to emptiness and lack of meaning.

Doing and giving myself what I need and really want, meaning relationships and intimacy and friendships and love is the only way to get what I want.

I can choose to sing or do music but only when the above is placed first.

Moral of this story: Place love first.

Submitted by Paul on Thu, 03/05/2009 - 07:12

Feeling trepidation on seeing old friends and being there emotionally for them would mean having an honesty and removing walls that I've erected to make me feel safe.

It was scary for me. When speaking with Sunand I felt no walls around him. I liked it. I have been able to drop my walls temporarily but the reason for having them there still has a need.

It is important for me to understand that the walls are there for a reason, so I feel safe because I've been deeply hurt around love and allowing boundaries to be walked over.

So I can be open and intimate at times and then it is ok to withdraw. It does not have to be all or nothing. I can set parameters where I feel safe. This way I don't have to let the walls be up completely or totally down. Either way is wrong.

Cool! Good to know.

Submitted by Paul on Thu, 03/05/2009 - 07:02

Yesterday I had a very interested experience.

I awoke feeling very overwhelmed and unsettled. I should have sat in eternal time and connect with myself allowing every feeling to wash over me and dissolve as I accepted, embraced and felt it. This would put me back to natural state. Or neutral.

But I was feeling fear about two areas. And they both relate to mistakes I've been making in how I approach life.

The first thing I was feeling fear was about a connection with friends and friendship I had chosen to let go many years ago.

A close friend's mother passed away recently. The funeral was for the following day. I felt weight of facing the fears that made me want to disconnect from them in the first place.

My friend Sunand, who I've been reconnecting with over the last year told me that he felt I was making a mistake with my life.

His observation was that I tended to look for and 'find' solutions to my life problems and once I found them ( in a spirituality or belief system ) I would cling to them and forget about friends and loved ones leaving them behind.

He perceived that once I found a solution to my own dilemma I was cold and turned away from people I care about or should care about.

I believe this has been true.

WELCOME to the personal life blog diary of Paul Gasztold, the man.

As opposed to the musical artist. I have another blog for that which chronicles the insights and inspirations that come into the music.

For music related insights please also see my other blog, Paul Gasztold, The Musical Artist.

Welcome!

You and most heartily welcome to join me in this blog. Life takes on new meaning when shared and I appreciate your taking the time to understand and know me.

If we haven't met, I hope that one day we will.

Thanks for being here. Enjoy. And here goes...

with love
Paul Gasztold

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Personal Blog of Paul Gasztold