Submitted by Paul on Thu, 03/05/2009 - 07:02

Yesterday I had a very interested experience.

I awoke feeling very overwhelmed and unsettled. I should have sat in eternal time and connect with myself allowing every feeling to wash over me and dissolve as I accepted, embraced and felt it. This would put me back to natural state. Or neutral.

But I was feeling fear about two areas. And they both relate to mistakes I've been making in how I approach life.

The first thing I was feeling fear was about a connection with friends and friendship I had chosen to let go many years ago.

A close friend's mother passed away recently. The funeral was for the following day. I felt weight of facing the fears that made me want to disconnect from them in the first place.

My friend Sunand, who I've been reconnecting with over the last year told me that he felt I was making a mistake with my life.

His observation was that I tended to look for and 'find' solutions to my life problems and once I found them ( in a spirituality or belief system ) I would cling to them and forget about friends and loved ones leaving them behind.

He perceived that once I found a solution to my own dilemma I was cold and turned away from people I care about or should care about.

I believe this has been true.

I've been uncomfortable with friendships as I've been uncomfortable with intimacy and feeling loved.

This has kept me alone and on the move from place to place not setting down deep meaningful roots where I can love and be loved.